Ir your relationship making you unhappy? Has the magic faded, the spark fizzled, and are you doubting if your significant other is really the right person for you? Are you looking for someone or something to confirm or deny this for you?
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but no one has a functioning crystal ball with your name on it. Emotional investment in relationships are the lottery of life, and they are no more sure then the stock market.
Evaluating a relationship is difficult to do. I am not talking about relationships that are verbally and/or physically abusive. Instead, I am talking about the conundrum of issues that can accumulate within in a relationship that are a magnet for blame of why there is no peace on earth and good will to man.
What I have learned about myself is that my relationships often mirrored whatever my issues were at the time. My choice of partner and course of actions was suspect, because I was looking for someone to carry my weight of being human for me, not with me.
They say that hindsight is 20/20, and looking at my romantic past has caused me to realize that I had Princess Syndrome, suffering from the “Ten Demandments.” Any or all of these unrealistic expectations can destroy a relationship, slowly but surely.
1. Thou shalt make me happy
2. Doubt shalt not have any other interests other than me
3. Thou shalt know what I want and what I feel without having me to say
4. Thou shalt return each one of my sacrifices with an equal or greater sacrifice
5. Thou shalt shield me from anxiety, worry, hurt, or any pain
6. Thou shalt give me my sense of self-worth and esteem
7. Thou shalt be grateful for everything I do
8. Thou shalt not be critical of me, show anger toward me, or otherwise disapprove of anything I do
9. Thou shalt so caring and loving that I need never take risks or be vulnerable in any way
10. Thou shalt love me with the whole heart, the whole soul, in the whole mind, even if I do not love myself.
This list describes personality traits that were often mirrored in my choice of mates. But I have learned a great deal over the years, and one of the most important things was that sometimes the problem isn’t the relationship. The problem is a lack of maturity. I have grown to realize that my expectations of relationships were often derived from movies, television and books, causing me to desire a fantasy instead of reality. It was a hard lesson to learn that there is no way to live free of pain, and all of my needs cannot be met all of the time.
If you are in an unhappy relationship, I would suggest that you start with a fearless honest inventory of yourself and make a fair assessment from there. No one can control your happiness except you.
