There are a number of occasions each year which we can hope to get together with our families for. The winter holidays are just some of them. If we’re lucky, we also get to meet family at birthdays, anniversaries, concert recitals and other celebrations; if we are not so lucky, then at funerals.
No matter how or when you get together with your family, there is always the possibility of fun time turning to "dread time". This happens in particular if there’s one single individual whom you don’t get along with: a cranky aunt perhaps? Or a dour brother-in-law? This can also occur if your past memories of family time are not happy memories. Perhaps someone close to you was addicted to drugs or alcohol? Even if they are long since rehabilitated, it may still bring back unpleasant memories.
For others, crowds and large gathering can prove intimidating, no matter that it’s all your close or extended family members!
Family gatherings can also be a time during which your entire year’s worth of dieting, intentions to stay away from alcohol and cigarettes come undone. With all the food and alcohol that may well be flowing and the combination of happiness and stress that may be present, it’s hard to remember resolutions.
When we think family reunions, we usually picture happy families, clean, well-dressed children, in-laws who get along and family pets who don’t bite. This is often quite far from reality. To prepare yourself to face whatever surprise your gathering may throw your way, the following are a few tips to bear in mind:
Keep alcohol consumption to a minimum: Alcohol often fuels anger, sadness, depression and magnifies issues, making the slightest comment or the smallest grievance into something large and weighty. It can cloud your judgment and impair your clarity.
Don’t expect people to have changed: If you are seeing some of your family members after a long-while, you may have hoped they’ve changed (for the better). People don’t usually change and it’s best to go in expecting them to be the same.
Gather support: This may come from your spouse or best friend. Take them along with you. Don’t make the mistake of trying to get your children to act as your support structure. They are children and should be allowed to have fun, not suffer through past grievances.
Take a happy memory with you: If memories are fragile and slip away when needed, substitute them with something more solid. Perhaps a small statue from your present home or s photograph from a trip that you and your immediate family recently enjoyed. It doesn’t matter the object as long as it can create happy memories and help you stayed focused on the fact that the family gathering will not last forever.
Make your own family a priority and spend time with them: On a crowded weekend gathering, it’s easy for young kids and spouses to feel overwhelmed. Take some time out to spend it with them. Go for a walk after breakfast or a drive after lunch. Your private family time doesn’t have to be long, but it will give you the sense of grounding you may require.
Exit gracefully: Overstaying your visit can also lead to irritation on both the host and the visitor’s part. Plan to stay for as long as you both feel comfortable with, and then leave with a gracious goodbye.
To counteract all the good food you’ll be tucking into, remember the following:
Never arrive hungry or you’ll attack food as soon as you can. Some families have a tradition of a ‘welcome drink’ and imbibing one on an empty stomach is also not a good idea. Instead, if the drive or flight you’ll be making to arrive at your destination is going to be a long one, tuck in a sandwich or a granola bar or fruit to snack on.
Try to get in some exercise during the trip. This does not mean disappearing to hit the local gym for an hour or two. But it could be a walk or some simple morning stretches to get you going.
Limit alcohol and select your food choices wisely. Most of us will tend to indulge at gatherings. But it is possible to try everything there is, using portion control. If you think it may still be a problem, consider bringing a couple of healthy dishes you have cooked along with you.
It is possible to enjoy family gatherings without expense to your waistline or mental well-being. The trick is to remember there are certain family members and certain food choices you must avoid, while at the same time, focusing on the ones you love and cherish.
